Coffee Chats · Losing Myself (Not to Be Confused with the Eminem Song)

November 2, 2020

I've reached the bottom of my fourth coffee cup today and am in the ~mood~ to sit and chat with you all. Strap in for the stream of consciousness.

We got a facelift here. I purchased a new theme and made a new logo to match. While blogging, along with my style in general, I started to lose myself to the people I was influenced by and realized I was also losing my confidence. I've been spending some time re-locating myself. I started wearing my septum piercing again, and dyed my hair a bonfire orange. I feel most comfortable with those smatterings of traits that make me stand out a bit from everyone else. I've spent a handful of years trying to conform to the 'late 20s, works in an office' look, and I don't have enough words about how good it feels to come back to a familiar confidence.
Speaking of confidence, mine goes hand-in-hand with my weight. I've been working on my weight and after my next doctor trip I'll be able to speak more on it. It's also a part of my #20Things series, so it'll have a separate post where I talk about how I'm handling it. :)

If you've been here for a while, you'll know that I'm usually the one at functions with a camera in my hand. I love taking photos and keeping memories. I'm very sentimental and don't like forgetting things. In high school, I would recite my junior high class schedule to myself because I was afraid of forgetting it. Which seems silly typing it out, but I don't want to forget things. It's the drive behind my taking so many photos and the reason I journal. I've been looking at a new camera and have decided that, as long as I can pay off my big student loan, I'm buying myself a new one and spending some more time taking photos. All of the photos taken in this post were from a day out in the forest preserves near my house, and it reconnected me with the outside and my camera for a bit. I miss having a hobby and for me, that was photography.

I've been having a hard time finding motivation recently. I think that's pretty universal in the current state of the world. I've spent a lot of time indoors, staring at screens, and not enough time unplugged and living in the moment. Outside of my job, my goal is to unplug more this month. A lot of spare time at the end of October was spent crafting, so I'd like to dedicate even more time to crafting and reading this month (aside from writing because it's NaNoWriMo.)

In lieu of CoVid, my socializing with people (especially people my age) has nearly diminished. That being said, I've decided to pick up work at the bookstore I used to work at, part-time through the holiday season. I'll get to see my best friend on a near-daily basis again, make extra money to help pay off my student loan, and spend extra time around books. It's temporary, for the next three months, but I think it'll be a confidence boost to get back to doing work I'm familiar with (as opposed to struggling hard with my new job.) 

 I've got some pretty high hopes for the end of the year that all pertain to finding myself after losing it to influence by social media presences and standards for what 20-somethings should be doing. My next steps are going to be selfish and I'm going to be focused on what's best for me and my well-being. Here's to getting back on track. <3

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