Coffee Chats · Self Love

July 17, 2016

Recently, I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself, which I don't get to do often, and it's been really nice to focus on me. 
Recently, I've decided to make dietary changes. I've been a vegetarian since April of 2008 and for the last few years I have wanted to commit to veganism, but there is always something that stands in my way (excuses, excuses.) But, I feel guilty making my mom purchase things specifically for me, especially when money is tight. Therefore, I have been eliminating dairy where I can. I'm going to have slip-ups, but everybody has slip-ups, of course I'm going to. The important thing is that I am working on it. It goes beyond dietary reasoning and beckons to my ultimate cause of saving animals every chance I get. In these aspects, I am feeling good about myself. 

I have been spending more time with nature, thanks Pokemon Go! I've been out in my neighborhood. I've spent more time at Lake Katherine this year. Tomorrow I am going to Starved Rock. I'm seeing so many places and spending more time outdoors, walking and biking, it's been lovely. Although the heat doesn't sit well with me, I'm patiently waiting for Fall. 

I've started a new independent project and I could not be more excited about it. A compilation of my polaroids and my poetry is coming together in a notebook I recently bought from Target for $3. It feels so personal, and sweet to have an outlet where I can combine all of my passions and be unapologetically myself. This is my only issue with having a blog, sometimes I want to talk about things and post things, but I find myself afraid to because people will message me and ask if I'm writing about them. I'm not trying to make waves, although I am excited to share more writing on here with you.

As far as my blog goes, I am ecstatic. I am moving into a direction that I am pleased with. I haven't been slacking on content and it's up to my standards (finally!) I feel a lot more open and happy working alone on Team Internet and I can only hope to flourish from here.
Some new things on here include the Advertise page and a post each day Monday-Friday, now that I am finished with school and frolicking in my free time, outside of work, of course. I'm also considering a style reboot at the beginning of 2017.

Finally, I am changing as a person. There have been small moments that I have found myself nixing the self-depreciation and planting seeds of optimism. I am becoming the person I've envisioned and I am embracing the quirks that I have. I have concluded that I will never fit a stereotype and I am entirely okay with that because it's most important to be myself. Between the small style changes and my newfound positivity, I've been in a better mental state and I'm in love with it. As far as my mental health, I've decided I need a week away from everything and I am going to take a week off of work around my birthday just to have for myself, to regroup after school has ended and temporarily step away from the toxicity of corporate America.

The only advice that I have on self-growth and self-care is to focus on yourself. I've spent too much time in my younger years worrying about how other people see me and what other people think about me. I've tried to it into stereotypes and I've wasted so much time on satisfying this image and making people believe I was somebody else. It's taken some time and I have stepped back to observe myself from an outside perspective and I'm not the person that I want to me. You know when people talk about how their younger selves see themselves now? I think baby Layne would be disappointed in the desire to fit in with a group of people because I have always stuck by who I am and my beliefs. Lately, I've tuned back in to the strange mindset of younger Layne. Her beliefs in vampires, aliens, her love of reading and writing ridiculous stories. Channeling my inner-child has help my self-growth immensely because I'm getting finding who I am and the things I genuinely like rather than wasting time, energy, and passion on somebody that I'm not.

I hope you're all doing well this summer and you're doing everything that your heart dreams of.

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